1) you have a guilt hangover from drinking
2) a fever makes you feel like you're dying
3) music on the radio blows really hard
4) Youtube videos start to annoy you
5) you start to hate cell phones
6) you have a mortgage instead of rent
7) you use "we" instead of "I" for everything
8) paying your bills on time excites you
9) you buy weed off a high schooler
10) you have to buy your own lawnmower
11) you take pictures of food you made and post it online
12) every Facebook status has something to do with kids
13) parties just aren't as tantalizing as going to bed early
14) Lady Gaga starts to piss you off and you don't even know why
15) your doctor is younger than you are
16) you don't throw things away with your name on them anymore
17) nobody invites you anywhere
18) the only milestone left is having a kid that doesn't turn out dumb as hell
19) you still own CDs and books and think iPhones and Kindles are bullshit
20) you make lists before going to the grocery store
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